I find it interesting that the world is what it has become (I was watching Last Samurai, and I just started thinking).  If only man had desired to live simply, each on his/her own plot of land, satisfied with what they had, in harmony with each other, then we would live in complete peace.  But, generally, most people are not satisfied in their current state in life.  There’s a compelling desire for more; always a desire for more.  It cannot be classified as a need, but rather as a desire, for what need do we realistically have aside from the basic necessities of life.  Paraphrasing William Wallace in Braveheart, I only want to find a plot of land, and raise a family in peace.  If life were only so simple.  But each of us, desire to have more in life.  Whether it be material possessions or emotional needs, we all seem to hunger for more in life.  We all strive to gain more, experience more … Without such need, we would not have had such progression as human beings.  We would be bereft of science, technology, higher thinking, and all the advances of modern life.  But at what cost?  Do not the reason for conflicts, whether global wars or living room quarrels, all stem from the desire for “more?”  Surely there must be another way to advancement without the driving sense of needing “more.”  We want more of something, and different as those needs are, it all entails “more” of something. 

It’s been ingrained in us since the Garden of Eden.  When Adam and Eve wanted more than God wanted them to have, they took the forbidden fruit.  They wanted more … whether a greater experience, as the serpent convinced them, or just the urge to have the one thing they weren’t allowed, they wanted more.  Our unending quest for “more,” stems from a feeling of lacking.  If we were completely satisfied, where would the desire for “more” be?  But, because only God can completely satisfy our needs, we have not, nor will not quench our desire for “more” until that final day.  I only wish I could be satisfied with a plot of land and peace in my life, but I know I’ll continue to be driven by the need for “more.”  "What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

Ok, since I checked my fantasy football teams for the past hour or so (ok more than that but I'm not saying how long), I figured I'd waste a little more time on Mon morning, updating my xanga.  I swear to you, I need to stop with this fantasy football stuff.  I even put my stock trades on hold so that I could make sure I picked up certain players in my fantasy football leagues (stupid yahoo was having some serious errors this morning)!  Can you imagine?  Putting off real money trades for virutal, fantasy football leagues where the winner gets ... bragging rights!  Yup, that's it... but it's so much fun.

Anyhow, when I was younger, I wanted so badly to be older so that my parents couldn't tell me what to do and I could be in control.  You know, you're 16, your parents told you that you could or couldn't do something (altho some people, PP, didn't even bother with that), and you were like, when I get out of this house, I'm going to do whatever I want.  But the older I get, the more I realize less and less is in my control.  Can I get an amen?  Seriously, I can only control so much, but I'm dependent on so many other people to make things happen.  Whether it's bschool recommendations ("You bet I will help in any way possible" - ok, so where's my return phone call, Mr. Former-boss-recommender?), travel planning (you greedy American Airlines bastards, just open up the near-empty flight ... ain't 50 people gonna buy your empty business class seats last minute), relationships (A-game or no A-game, waiting for people to call or respond can feel like an eternity ... in geeeeeneeeeeraaal, people don't jump to conclusions here, sheesh), etc.  I really hate waiting, and yes, I need more Godly patience (isn't prayer supposed to build this?  you'd think I'd have more with the way I pray, but I don't ... maybe that's why my prayers are not as effective). 

This is similar to the feeling that the older you get, the less you know.  That I'm finding is also true.  Like, things I assumed to be true ... I will be a millionaire by age 25 (uhm, 25 passed me by already and I don't have a secretary to dictate my xanga to, still), I will be married by 27 (hmm, doesn't look too likely since I don't have a serious girlfriend, tho I suppose that's probably partially my fault for messing around for so long), I will move back to LA (wait, most of my buddies are up here or spread across the country now, so where do I really want to live), I will never go back to school (what's that boss?  I can't get ahead unless I have those three magic letters after my name (MBA)??!), I will become a lay missionary (who knows?), girls a, b, and c all like me - no wait, they don't... no no, they all do ... dammit, what's going on? 

Do I really know anything at this point?  I hope it doesn't sound like I'm complaining... life's quite good actually.  Everything's pretty chill, I get to travel all over the place, I have great friends (I started giving a shout-out to all of you, but the list becomes ridiculously long), I eat good food.  I'm just confused. 

Many of my days end in a prayer... "Lord, ... what's going on??"  So who else is confused out there?

If you're wondering, I bought more ERTS today.  I love that company.  Hopefully it'll show me some loving back.  Ok, that took 15 mins, so back to work or rather the WSJ (if you're wondering, I love my job).

Quick question of the day:  I have to pick an afternoon activity for a conference I have to attend in Pebble Beach.  Sounds like a grand old time right?  Let me assure you that most participants will be 50 and above, with probably 5 others under 35.  Also, it's a guarantee that I will be the least wealthy one there, and I have to wake up at 6 to drive down cuz we're not spotting for a room the night before.  So, with that in mind, which should I pick??

Golf at Pebble Beach (5 hours)
Pebble Beach Golf Links is larger than life, boasting mature stands of trees, roller coaster greens and large bunkers. It looks as if the course has taken a hundred years to develop this way and, indeed, it nearly has. The first 9-hole track was laid out along the cove in 1913. Over time, this course has inspired some of golf’s most memorable moments and has become known worldwide for both its stunning location and challenging reputation.

Horseback Riding (2.5 hours)
Explore the beauty of the Monterey Peninsula with the Pebble Beach Equestrian Center. Take a ride along the beach to some of the most breathtaking spots on earth. See the rugged Pacific coastline and world-famous fairways, including Cypress Point and Spyglass. Climb natural dunes, encounter deer, and see whales, sea lions and sea otters down in the ocean along famous 17-Mile Drive.

Kayak Stillwater Cove (3 hours)
Explore the wonders of Stillwater Cove in one- or two-person kayaks. Guides will share information about the ecology of the bay, the history of the area, and the biology and habits of the varied marine life. (Actual time in kayak is 1.5 hours.)

My golf game sucks (translation: my balls fly off to other holes - in this case, it'd probably be the ocean).  Horseback riding seems kinda fruity.  Kayak will be tiring.  Maybe I should just go home afterward, but I'll be up at 6 to drive down to this darn event anyway, and it seems like my boss wants me to stay (though not paying for me to have a hotel room).  Feedback??  Which event, if any, should I pick?  Arg... Shiznuts...  Ohhhh, does somebody want to pretend to be me and go in my place?!

-Distressed LP

Ok, I'm bored, don't have pressing projects, and even ran out of newspapers to read, so on to another edition.  I found it amusing that so many of my buddies have read and commented about my very first xanga post.  In effect, that post doesn't really describe much of the character of the type of girl that I'm looking for, so I thought I'd update my criteria. 

To explain more thoroughly, I have to describe what I believe God's vision is for me.  I have come to believe that my calling may be to work (as a businessman), earn money, support missionaries, and possibly even become a lay missionary abroad (maybe as an American consultant or something). 

I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter where I am or where I go?  Is not my composition the same, as a Christian, wherever I am?  The only difference I see between myself and any full-time pastoral staff member is that we just have different vocations.  But we have the same calling.  Like soldiers in an army, one may be called to man the supplies while another may be called to the front-lines, but all are still soldiers and are called to the same purpose: fighting the enemy and defending home (and Queen - Canadians) and country.  Similarly, I believe that no matter what we do, we are by nature Christians and our “shared purpose” is to please God and share the gospel with as many people as we can (so that they too may have our joy). 

Anyhow, I digress… the point being that I just want to follow Jesus.  Whether it involves giving away 90% of my income to God's purposes, ‘a la’ man from God’s Smuggler (read it!), or moving abroad and becoming a lay missionary, I’m open to do as God calls (particularly the two aforementioned things).  However, I’ve found VERY few (unspoken for) women who have felt the same way, or dare I say, at the very least open (therein lies the key) to the same calling in life.  Actually, explaining this about oneself, is a very good way of scaring someone off, if you know what I mean.  Anyhow, I suppose it is difficult to find the one for you (who shares the same visions), because there is only one out there for you, right? 

So I haven’t really described too much of her character still eh?  … maybe next time.  Attractive Christian girl with radical heart for God = Diamond in the Rough.